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From the refugee camp

You've just gotta love Dr. Leslie. For some reason, it seems that virtually everyone living in Nigeria and Sierra Leone is a doctor of something or other. Although I applaud their aggressive pursuit of advanced degrees, I do tend to question their consistency. This letter is a great case in point...

The message was sent from Dr. Leslie Swaray. The first sentence, however, introduces the writer as Daniel Swaray, a 20 year-old. He then concludes the letter by signing off again "Yours Faithfully, Leslie Swaray."

Although this individual is clearly conflicted as to his or her identity, he does have the presence of mind to write this email from the Internet Cafe at the local Refugee Camp. I kind of picture him sitting in the refugee camp, sipping his 1% decaf latte, nibbling at his biscotti, and typing away at his laptop -- all in pursuit of a better life!

Grade: B+
Comments: This could have been an A if the writer had just picked one name and stuck with it. Also, enough with the all caps, already. Good imagery, though.

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DEAR FRIEND,

MY NAME IS DANIEL SWARAY.I AM 20YEARS OLD .I AM THE ELDERST SON OF LATE CHEIF KAMARA SAWARAY OF TUNGO DISTRICT,SIERRA LEONE.I GOT YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION FROM THE INTERNET WHILE BROWSING AT THE RECREATIONAL CENTRE IN REFUGEE 'S CAMP INTERNET CAFE HERE IN GHANA.MY SPIRIT CHOOSED AS YOUR CONTRY IS WHERE I WOULD LOVE TO BE.IT IS LEFT FOR YOU TO BE ORIGINAL AND TRUSTWORTHY SOMEONE.I WANT YOU TO TREAT THIS ISSUE AS A CONFIDENTIAL.

THIS IS MY LIFE AND MY BRIGHTER FUTURE, WITHOUT THIS I AM NOBODY [hmm, I think I'm picking up on some self-esteem issues here],I HAVE BEEN KEEPING THIS ISSUE FOR THE PAST 4YEARS AGO,BECAUSE I DO NOT TRUST BLACK AFRICAN.YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? [...and some racism issues] BESIDES,I WANT TO FINALLY MOVE AWAY FROM AFRICA[ME AND MY MOTHER]TO START A NEW LIFE OVERTHERE.BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE FAMILY NO MORE AND NO RELATIVES [what is your mother, chopped liver?] .THE WAR SPLIT EVERYBODY.MAYBE SOME OF THEM ARE STILL ALIVE WHICH I DON'T KNOW.OUR MIGTHY HOUSE AND THE PROPERTIES ARE NO MORE [I guess it wasn't so mighty, was it?] .MY YOUNGER BROTHER AND MY LITTLE SISTER DIED DURING THE WAR .PLEASE,I WANT TO TREAT THIS ISSUE WHICH I AM ABOUT TO DISCLOE TO YOU AS A CONFIDENTIAL ONCE AGAIN.

MY FATHER,LATE CHIEF KAMARA SWARAY,POPULARLY KNOWN AS IN OUR CONTRY AS GIPU,HE WAS THE INDEPENDENT DIAMOND MARKETERIN KONO DISTRICT, SIERRA LEONE.UNFORTUNATETELY FOR US,HE WAS AMONG THE TWELVE PROMINENT CITIZENS EXECUTED BY OUR PRESIDENT AHMED TEJAN KABBAH [Wait, can a president execute a chief? I thought a chief was higher up] .MY FATHER, ALONG SIDE THE ELEVEEN PROMINENT CITIZEN[BOTH CIVILIAN AND MILITARY]WHERE ACCUSED OF SUPPORTING AND SPONSORING THE FORMAL DICTATOR,MAJOR.PAUL JOHNNY KOROMAH TO OVERTHROW THE DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT IN 1991 BEFORE THE WAR FINALLY BROKED OUT.THEY WHERE EXECUTEDIN 1999 BEFORE THERE ARREST [so, you're saying it's better to get arrested then, right?] ,MY LATE FATHER HAS ALREADY HANDED OVER SOME DOCUMENTS TO ME,WHICH REVEALS THAT,HE HAS DEPOSITED TWO SEALED BOXES,ONE CONTAINING 652CARACT OF BLUE ROUGH CUT DIAMOND GEM AND ANOTHER ONE CONTAINING A CASH WAS DEPOSITED IN THE SECURITY COMPANY HERE IN ACCRA THE CAPITAL STATE OF GHANA WHICH CONTAINED ABOUT $26.8 MILLION US DOLLARS OF WHICH MY NAME IS THE NEXT OF KIN.MY LATE FATHER STATED THAT,HE REGISTERED THE BOTH BOXES AS CONTAINING PRECIOUS ITEMS AS AT THE TIME OF DEPOSIT IN ORDER NOT TO RAISE QUESTIONS.THE OFFICERS OF THE LOCAL SECURITY COMPANY DOES NOT KNOW THAT ONE OF THE BOXES ACTUALLY CONTAINS CASH.RIGHT NOW,MYSELF AND MY MOTHER ARE IN BUDUBURAM REFUGEES CAMP,HERE IN GHANA WHERE WE FLEE TO BECAUSE OF THE WAR

IN OUR CONTRY.I WANT YOU TO ASSIST US TO FACILITATES THE REMOVAL OF THE DEPOSITED BOXES FROM THE SECURITY AND DEPOSIT HOUSE,AND LATER ASSIST US TO BUY HOUSE IN YOUR CONTRY [Maybe Leslie just wants a a good Realtor] ,AND INVEST THE REST FOR US IN ANY BUSINESS SINCE WE DO NOT WANT TO RE-SETTLED IN AFRICA DUE TO THE INTRUSTION MY LATE FATHER GAVE TO ME AND FOR PEOPLE NOT TO SET THIER EYES ON OUR FAMILY.IF I HAVE YOUR CO-OPERATION,I WILL SEE THAT YOU ARE GENEROUSLY COMPENSATED.PLEASE INDICATE YOUR INTREST BY REPLYING TO ME ON THIS MAIL.SO THAT I CAN CONSULT OUR LAWYER TO PREPARE THE NECCESSARY AGGREEMENT LETTER,DOCUMENT BINDING BOTH US [Hey, I'm not into that sort of thing!] AND ALSO THE ATTORNEY WHICH I INTEND GIVING TO YOU AS THE RIGHTFUL BENEFICIARY [Ok, now I'm picturing myself as a rightful beneficiary. It's kinda nice.].

I AWAIT YOUR SWIFT RESPONSE

YOUR'S FAITHFULLY

LESLIE SAWARAY.