ATTENTION!!! RESPONSE NEEDED URGENTLY/ ACT SWIFTLY

Now this one has got a subject heading to get my attention -- and to act fast, as well!

Comments: Now, I have to admit that the first thing to catch my eye on this week's letter was subject heading, but as I read on, I realized that this was really a gem in the rough. The first thing that strikes you as you read this email is the great use of bad grammar. In most emails, the senders seem to genuinely try to make themselves sound as though they are English proficient -- this one does not even attempt the pretence, giving it a certain international charm. The second thing that struck me was the great use of supporting documentation, in the form of multiple web links. In some older emails, I noted that there was sometimes an online newspaper article that would be included to support the claim of a plane crash, political coup, or whatever. This email comes with six, including the Hoovers Factsheet and NPR story -- very impressive.

Grade: A

And now, the email...

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Reply-To: alexander_marinchenko4@yahoo.de
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Message-Id: <20070129162339.A3C2527EBC@rcmdxwebc01.cavtel.net>
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 11:22:30 -0500 (EST)

Dear friend

I was reading through a web page and found your profile interesting while searching for a possible partner following an opportunity that will be of immense benefit to both of us, if pursued to its logical conclusion. Although, I do not know you in person but I do maintain my late father's-philosophy that business are people and contacts [and a fine philosophy it is! ...I think]. Business is always based on trust and open mindedness, and it is on this note that I act. I am Mr. Marinchenko Alexander a personal treasurer to Mikhail Khodorkovsky, Presently in Russia and worked in the following companies: Chairman CEO: YUKOS OIL (Russian Largest Oil Company) Chairman CEO: Menatep SBP Bank (A well reputable financial institution with its Branches all over the world)

I have a profiling amount in an excess of US$100.5M (One Hundred and Five Million United States Dollars) which I seek your Partnership in accommodating for me only and invest same in your country privately for mutual benefit. I have agreed to employ your services since you are in no way associated with Yukos Oil & Gas company, to assist receive some funds for safe keeping and for onward investment in your country on my behalf, as our assets have been frozen in Russia and while excess of US$100.5M is just lying there, we are unable to liquidate them, or use them as guarantee for payment of taxes inflicted on us by the government [whew! Talk about a runon sentence!!!]. I have decided to use your able self to realize our business you will be rewarded with 4% of the total sum for your partnership. Can you be my partner on this [well, I suppose I could put it into a highly lucrative investment, which in my country is called "blackjack"]? Before my boss arrest I was a personal consultant to him, authority was handed over to me in transfer of money of an American oil merchant for his last oil deal with my boss Mikhail Khodorkovsky [uh, arrest?].

Already the funds have left the shore of Russia to a European private Bank where the final crediting is expected to be carried out. While I was on the process, My Boss got arrested for his Involvement in politics by financing the leading and opposing political parties (the Union of Right Forces, Led by Boris Nemtsov, and Yabloko, a liberal/social democratic party Led by Gregor Yavlinsky) which poses a treat to President Vladimir Putting Second Tenure as Russian president [well, nothing like hedging your bets]. Please take a moment of your very busy schedules to read about it on the following internet WebPages:

http://www.yukos.com
http://news.ft.com/cms/4bb9612a-d254-11d8-b661-00000e2511c8.html
http://www.hoovers.com/yukos/--ID__53700--/free-co-factsheet.xhtml
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4105663
http://newsfromrussia.com/main/2003/11/13/51215.html
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050531/ap_on_bi_ge/russia_khodorkovsky

All I need from you is to stand as the beneficiary of the above quoted Sum and I will re-profile the funds in your names [why do these guys always assume I have more than one name?] so as to turn away Russian authorities from us since you are in no way associated with Yukos Oil & Gas nor Mr. Mikhail Khodorkovsky and his associates, which will enable The European bank transfer the sum to you [...and you're sure that I won't be arrested by the KGB or anything, right?]. I have decided to use this Sum to relocate and never to be connected to any Of Mikhail Khodorkovsky Conglomerates. As Soon as I confirm your readiness to conclude the Transaction with me, I will provide you with the details. Humbly send in your Letter of Acceptance and a brief background description of you via this private email address only:

NOTE; My private email (alexander_marinchenko4@yahoo.de) more details of the logistics and modalities of realizing this transaction shall be discussed with you upon the receipt of your detailed information/Credibility.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Regards

Mr. Marinchenko Alexander
Yukos Oil & Gas,
Russian Federation.

...and your country is located where, exactly?

Without fail, whenever I receive a scam email, it is usually purportedly from Nigeria, followed by a number of other countries. This one is kind of fun because it keeps you guessing as to where exactly it really is from.

COMMENTS: This letter is really kind of an interesting twist on the usual barrage of scam emails that I receive. The plot is the standard story where the manager of a bank has found that an accountholder has died unexpectedly, leaving no heirs. And, of course, the bank manager has the opportunity to spirit away the funds out of the country -- but which country? It never really says where the supposed bank is located, where the accountholder lived, or where the heck this email is coming from

Under other circumstances, I would grade this one down for a lack of creativity, however in this case there is a bit of intrigue.  Additionally, the spelling and grammar are above average. I also feel the need to acknowledge the appropriate use of capitals.

Grade: B+ 

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FROM DR. PATRICK OBI.

Dear Friend.

It is indeed my pleasure to write you this letter, which I believe will be a surprise to you as we have never met before, and I am deeply sorry if I have in any manner disturbed your privacy. Please forgive this unusual manner of contacting you, but this particular letter is of exceptional and very private nature. There is absolutely going to be a great doubt and distrust in your heart in respect of this email, coupled with the fact that, so many individuals have taken possession of the Internet to facilitate their nefarious deeds [really? people commit nefarious deeds on the Internet -- who knew?], thereby making it extremely difficult for genuine and legitimate business class persons to get attention and recognition. [well, thank goodness that legitimate business class persons like yourself are still able to be heard!]

I am Dr. Patrick Obi, an accountant with OCEANIC BANK INTERNATIONAL PLC. The business I am about to introduce you is base don sheer trust and with a Sense of purpose. I am contacting you to assist me in repatriating the sum of $20.5M U.S dollars. The money and property left behind by Engr. Harold Bowen who had an accident On the 21st of April 2000, Engr. Harold Bowen [Engr.?], his wife and their two Children were involved in a car accident [or *was* it an accident? ...hmmm] in a remote village called Kuru near Jos in Plateau State [at first, I thought this was made up but a quick Google search confirms that Plateau State is in, ....you guessed it -- Nigeria!]. All occupants of the car Unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to his embassy here in Lagos-Nigeria to locate any of Harold Bowen Extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful to locate any member of his family.

Now the management of the bank has issued a notice to provide the next of kin to claim the funds or they have the account frozen. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 6 years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you are a foreigner so that the proceeds of this account valued at US$20.5M, can be transfer to your account that you would provided, then you and I can share the money, 60% to me and 40% for you [Now why do I always get offerred the smaller share, I wonder?].

Finally, I have made an arrangement with an attorney who will work on your behalf and secure all the necessary legal documentation that would indicate you as the Beneficiary of the fund to back up this claim, and this I must do to make sure that this fund is not wasted or end up in the wrong hands. All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us sees this deal through and secures all the legal documents. I guarantee you that this transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and I from any breach of the law.

If you are interested in this deal, kingly get back to me with your complete information, as follow. Your private telephone and Fax numbers, your full name and address.


Best regards,

Dr. Patrick Obi.
Tel: 234-803-395-6015 [Sometimes I am really tempted to dial the numbers that these guys leave. As it happens, "234" is the country code for Nigeria.]

Misdirected email...

I have got to admit that with the new year there have been some refreshing improvements to some of the stale old letters I have received in the past. Not only has there been a geographic shift away from Nigeria (gee, maybe they figured out that we are on to them) but I have seen some truly creative efforts.

Comments: This latest entry is really quite a departure from previous efforts. In this case, I have received an email apparently intended for someone else who is to receive $950,000 for his or her failed attempt at a shady international money transfer. All I have to do is to contact this guy's personal secretary and give him my contact information and ask for the funds to be transferred, and I will suddenly be $950,000 richer! It is still not very conceivable as scenarios go but I have to admit that I do like the idea. My philosophy is that if the scenario described in the email could conceivably be a movie plot, it has some potential. I think I could see a variation of this as a movie plot. Now, who should contact to send my treatment to -- Speilberg or Lucas?

Grade: "A"

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Attn:Dear Beloved Friend,

I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting the fund transferred to a Swiss Account with the cooperation of a new partner from London who is an international business man. Presently I'm in London for investment projects with my own share of the total sum, here is my cell phone number : +447024071055 [Wow, he left his cell phone number -- nice touch! If I wasn't too cheap to run up the phone bill, I would dial it to see who answers] . Meanwhile, I did not forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite the fact that it failed us some how. Now contact my secretary, his contact is:

Name: Mr.Collins Eze

Email: collins_eze03@myway.com
Direct Tel: +22993476753

Ask him to send to you the total $950.000.00 (Nine Hundred and Fifty Thousand US Dollars) which I kept for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter [so, you're saying that even though I or whoever this is for, failed you still are going to pay $950,000?]. I appreciated your efforts at that time very much, so feel free and get in touch with my secretary Mr.Collins Eze and instruct him where to send the amount to you. Please do let me know immediately you receive it so that we can share the joy after all the sufferness at that time [sufferness?]. In the moment, I am very busy here because of the investment projects which I and the new partner are having at hand [Hey, if I'm getting $950,000, I wonder how much the new partner is getting!? I'm thinking maybeI deserve more for my "past efforts and attempts to assist" even if I did fail.].

Finally, remember and dont fail to contact my secretary because I had forwarded instruction to him on your behalf to receive that money, so get in touch with him and he will send the amount to you without any delay [Here's the inconceivable part. Now, doesn't it stand to reason that the secretary would already know the name of the person about to contact them asking for almost $1 million?].

Your share of the money with best regards

Your Beloved in christ, [I always like when they throw in the religious reference to sound more trustworthy]
DR FRED MORGAN [There sure are a lot of doctors running banks in these emails]
a banker ["a banker"? Is that the best you could come up with for a title???]

The Priori of Scion Society wants to give ME money!!!

Now here is something a little different. Apparently, the Prioi of Scion Society has decided to bestow a $350,000 grant to little old me to "better the lot of man" through my own initiative!

Comments: I have got to admit that this has got to be one of the most creative 419 scams that I have seen. Not only is it not one of the same stale old letters from Nigeria, this one even involves King Francis Arthur I! My head is swimming with thoughts of my potential involvement with British Royalty -- hey, maybe I'll get to meet Prince Charles or even the Queen, herself! Maybe I'll even get knighted...

Grade: "A-" As good as the creativity is, I need to drop a half grade for grammar. I mean for Pete's sake, can't they pay a little attention to the rules for the use of an apostrophe for possesives?

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Dear Beneficiary,

The Priory Of Sion Society of Edinburgh under the jurisdiction of the all Seeing Eye, Master Nick Cobb [seeing eye? -- I can't seem to get the image of a labrador out of my head now] has after series of secret deliberations and random ballot as selected you to be a beneficiary of 2007 first quarter foundation laying grants and also an optional opening at the round table of the Priory Of Sion Society. [Ok, maybe I'm just being nitpicky here but who exactly did he deliberate with and why on earth is the ballot random?]

These grants are issued every first quarter of the year around the world in accordance with the objectives of the Priory Of Sion Society as stated by King Francis Aurthor I in 1815 which is to ensure the continuous freedom of man and to enhance mans [Hey, Master Nick -- you need an apostrophe when the word is possesive] living conditions.

We will also advice that these grant funds awarded to you which amount to $350,000.00 be used to better the lot of man through your own initiative and also we will go further to inform you that the open slot to become a Priory Of Sion is optional. [Whoa, you mean I can actually be a member -- Does that me I can put "Master" in front of my name too? And how long before I can work my way up to "All Seeing Eye"?]

I hope you understood [No, I don't think I got it all, can you say it again and type more slowly?] and for more information's [ok Master Nick, here you don't need the apostrophe] on what you are to do to make claims of your grant funds awarded to you, do contact the Grant Claims Office Co-Secretary, Name: Barr. Richard Salter, E-mail: grantclaimoffice@prioryofsionsociety.ourprofile.net, and do send along your personal information’s [Again with the apostrophe, I am starting to get a little suspicous here. I mean, wouldn't the real All Seeing Eye know that you don't use an apostrophe when the word is not possessive?] (Names, Residential Address,Occupation,Tel/Fax Numbers Sex, Age and Country) [Wait, are you trying to tell me that you know enough about me to award a $350,000 grant but you don't have any of this information already -- hmmm...] a for the procurement of the necessary document that will enable you make claims of your awarded funds promptly.

Yours Sincerely,
Mrs. Judith Ernest.
Co-ordinator. [well there is an unusual spelling of the word coordinator]
Priory Of Sion Society of Palmerston Place Lane, Edinburgh