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Gold Digger

Now anyone who's name is "Gold" has got to attract some attention. Although he has some strange cravings, he is a close aid of the "formar" president of Congo. It seems that the president was killed in a shootout with "rebles" and before being killed, sent Gold out with $15 million to buy arms, presumably to fight the "rebles". Whatever "rebles" are (I'm picturing some sort of small rodent), they sound particularly fierce.

Grade: C-
Comments: Gold, buy yourself a dictionary for crying out loud!


Dear Friend,

SEEKING FOR IMMEDIATE TRANSFER OF US$15.5MILLION [Note that he doesn't tell you whether he seeks to transfer it to or *from* you!] . It is my pleasure to request your assistance on this business roposition which if pursued to its conclusion ,will be of immense benefit to both of us. This request may seem strange but I will crave [?] your indulgence and pray that you view it seriously. My name is Mr Gold Kutah of the Democratic Republic of Congo I am one of close aids to the formar president of Congo Democratic LAURENT KABILA of blessed memory, may his soul rest in peace [hold on while I observe a moment of silence... ok, we can start again].

For the military of LAURENT KABILA to force out the rebles in my country,I was instructed by him (late president Kabila) to go to the Europe to purchase ARMS AND AMMUNIATION worth us$15.5(fifteen million Five Hundred Thousand us Dollars)to fight the reble groups. But when it became apparent that president Kabila has been killed in a bloody shoot out by one of his aids [hmmm. I'm guessing that can't be part of the usual job description for an aid] . I immediately decided to divert the fund ( US$15.5) into a private security company for safe keeping. The money is presently in Holland (The Netherlands) [ok, ok, I know where Holland is -- tell me more about the money] where I am currently in exile after the death of president Kabila.

I need a reliable and trust worthy foreign partner/national who can assist me to clear and move this money as the beneficiary from the security company. Though we have not seen nor met each other, but I would want this transaction to be properly handled with modesty and honesty to a huge success within two weeks, this money in question is state fund as it is a deal between you and I, hence the need for secrecy considering the security implications. [whoa, can you say RUN-ON SENTENCE?] Thus, if you are willing to assist me to move this fund out of the Netherlands, you could contact me through the email as stated above to enable us discuss more about the deal and what your percentage will be for assisting me.
Please note that you will be required to make a brief trip to the Netherlands for inspection of the fund [Ok, I'm trying to picture how one inspects a fund] .

I also intend to visit your country soonest [well, soonest is better than latest] in order to inquire areas of possible business investment. I shall be sincerely glad if my request is rendered.

Regards,
Mr Gold Kutah.